Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
I wanted to bath in the anger and resentment. I wanted revenge for the injustices and bitterness began to take hold. It gave me energy. Adrenaline flowed through every blood vessel and made my fingers tingle. My mind became focused and vocal. It screamed the things I wanted to say. It played out all the possible ways I could make my point of view known. And then You spoke to me: Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.
It wasn’t enough. I wanted blood. Justice my way. You replied: When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”
I didn’t care. I wanted to throw anything I could get my hands on.
Then I heard You: “Don’t focus on the one guy who hates you. You don’t go to the park and set your picnic down next to the only pile of dog s***.”
The beauty of the park to come to mind. I began to think on the lovely, pure, noble and admirable things, on the excellent and praiseworthy.
My heart is calmer, my fingers do not bristle with electricity flowing through them. My head does not scream unspoken words. I wish I could say I don’t still think those words. I wish I could say that I only think about the lovely and praiseworthy things You have done in my life. I wish I could look up and stay focused on Your beauty and creation. Your healing is coming and You are with me in the meantime.